


It's Nerf or Nothin

by BundleOfTeenAngst, ImPanicingAtTheDisco



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Fluff and Humor, M/M, nerf guns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2019-10-16 21:42:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17553728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BundleOfTeenAngst/pseuds/BundleOfTeenAngst, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImPanicingAtTheDisco/pseuds/ImPanicingAtTheDisco
Summary: Clarke just finished finals, and Lexa just got home from practice. All she wanted was a bath. Instead, she got a Nerf dart to the right boob.





	1. Her pasta too big for her gottdam bowl

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a post on Tumblr (I think idek anymore) and by me learning that my best friend eats pasta in her underwear at 3 a.m.

Lexa was practically crawling on the floor by the time she got out of the car and made it to her front door. She had been in classes from 8 a.m. until 3 p.m., and from there she had rushed to lacrosse practice. That was 6 hours ago. She was exhausted and contemplating laying down in front of her door and sleeping on the ground. The minute she walked through the door she knew something weird was happening.

"Clarke? Babe, I'm home." The silence was deafening. She squinted suspiciously around the apartment. There was a note and and Nerf rifle laying on the couch. The note read "Hey babe. You have a gun, and somewhere in the apartment, so do I. Whoever loses this battle does the dishes for a week. Good luck and may the Force be with you."

She had been dating Clarke for long enough to know that her girlfriend was up to something. The last time things had been this quiet, they had ended up being kicked out of their last apartment. The smell of fettuccine-covered spagetti-o's still haunted her soul. Clarke had many talents, but cooking was definitely not one of them.

She heard a strange thumping sound from the bedroom. A cold sweat broke out on the back of her neck. The love of her life was probably going to kill her one day. She edged closer to the doorway to their room and peeked around the corner. The room was completely empty. It occurred to her that Clarke might really not be home and the sound could have been from the people upstairs. Her biggest mistake was letting down her guard.

As Lexa walked into the room, something nearly indescribable happen. A wild screech rang through the air. The closet door was kicked open from the inside. One blindingly pale leg stuck out, and then Lexa felt something hit her boob. Really hard. She looked down. 

It was a Nerf dart. 

Before she could even process this, Clarke jumped out of the closet, a Nerf gun in one hand, and a colander full of pasta in the other. Without breaking eye contact, Clarke held up the colander and slurped up some of the pasta. All of this happened while she had one leg cocked up in the air like a flamingo.

Lexa slowly backed away, as if fending off a wild dog. "Clarke. Put the pasta down."

Clarke just grinned and raised the gun higher.

"Clarke, we can work this out. Please."

"...Nah. I think I'll just go ahead and do what I want." And with that, she fired the darts and pushed past Lexa into the living room, laughing maniacally. 

An evil gleam entered into Lexa's eyes. "You brought this upon yourself!" She made sure that her gun was loaded and tied a quilt around her neck like a cape. "Blood must have blood!" She roared and headed into the living room.

Clarke yelled back from behind the couch, in all her millennial glory, "Good, finals made me want to die anyways!"

That's when Lexa realized that this was Clarke's coping mechanism. She was just stressed and need to relax, so she started a Nerf battle in their apartment. Oh god, Lexa loved that girl.

After ten minutes of fierce battle, they were both panting on the floor to tired to move. Socks had been lost, bras had been thrown, and an eyelash curler had been used as a shiv. It was the best day of Lexa's life.

A knock sounded at the door. Clarke snickered. "How much do you wanna bet that the neighbors called the police on us again?"

"At least we have clothes on this time. Mostly. Plus, this is a completely different noise complaint from last time."

Clarke giggled. "You know what, you're not wrong."

They got up, threw on the rest of their clothes, and went to answer the door.

They opened the door to see Raven and Octavia, still in their police uniforms, holding a bag of weed and two pizza's. Octavia glanced at their inside out shirts. "You know, I would be like 'What the hell', but at this point I'm not even surprised by you two."

Raven nodded. "Sup. Wanna 420 and chill?"

 


	2. Seafood buffets are a pain in the ass. (Or the thigh, depending in where they stab you)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo, not sure how, but now this is a multi-chapter fic. We were inspired at 3a.m. while eating pasta upside down in our underwear. Might be turned into a series w/ an actual plot, not sure yet though.
> 
> See if you can find the early 2000's Nickelodeon reference!!!

Raven hung up her phone and then screeched for her girlfriend. “Babe! Grab our trench coats and fake mustaches, Clexa and Murphamy are going on a double date!”

-

A shoe hurtled through the air towards Lexa’s head. She narrowly ducked it and shot a glare towards Clarke who was completely buried in an avalanche of clothing. “Clarke. If you’re going to have a melt down, please do it without causing me bodily harm.”

Clarke paused for a second and slowly raised a middle finger. “Well, maybe if you would actually _help me_ look for my shoes, I wouldn’t be buried under a mountain of clothes.”

Lexa shot a look a her nearly-entombed girlfriend. “Wild thought here. Maybe if you would actually _put your clothes away_ for once, you wouldn’t do this every time we went out.”

Clarke wiggled her way out from under her clothes and was about to start in on her third long-winded dramatic rant of the day when she saw what Lexa was wearing.

The brunette was wearing a very tight black suit and a white dress shirt that had Clarke drooling. “Okay. I really want to be mad at you, but first I’m gonna go back under these clothes, because if I keeping looking at you I’m just gonna want to make out with you and then no ranting will be achieved.”

Lexa grinned. “We could make and and find your shoes afterwards?”

“Ok yep good plan, just dig me out first.”

-

“Murphy. Put down the hair gel and back away. No one has to get hurt.” Bellamy slowly edged towards the offending can of hair gel. “Just hand it over, nice and easy.”

“You can’t say anything about the hair gel without being a hypocrite.” Murphy hissed and ran toward the bathroom in order to lock the door, but he didn’t account for how long Bellamy’s legs were.

He thought he had escaped but just as he went to shut the door, Bellamy’s foot wedged itself between the door and the door jam. Murphy stood incredibly still for a second before looking his boyfriend dead in the eyes and slamming the door shut on his foot repeatedly with no hint of remorse.

Trying to to speak through the tears, Bellamy started begging Murphy. “Murph, please, just give me the gel. People wouldn’t speak to us for a year after we moved here because they thought that we were extras from Grease the musical!”

Murphy stopped slamming the door and Bellamy gently cupped his face. “I love you, but this is presenting a bad image for the community. Clarke said that she used to refer to us as greasy boi’s on her group chats.”

Murphy’s jaw dropped. “They have group chats _without us_?! I’m outraged!”

If Bellamy was honest, he had kind of lied about the whole group chat thing; but he was also pretty sure three of his toes were broken and he would have said anything in order to make Murphy stop.

-

By the time the two couples had met up and arrived at the restaurant, Raven and Octavia were already stationed outside in the bushes.They knew that something funny was going to happen, (something always did when those four hung out) and they were excited to see this new disaster unfold. And possibly record it and use it for blackmail, but that’s besides the point.

Upon arrival, Clarke and Bellamy gasped in unison as they realized what restaurant they were about to eat at. Vacarros. “Lexa, you got us a table at _Vaccaros_?”

Lexa shrugged, “My dad knows the owner.”

Murphy grinned and leaned over. “He knows the owner or he _knows the owner?_ ”

Bellamy swatted his arm. “Murphy, no.”

Lexa chuckled at Clarke and Bellamy’s obvious excitement, “Geez, you guys are acting like you’ve never eaten seafood before.”

Once again in unison, Clarke and Bell say, “That’s because we haven’t, mother-”

That was as far as they got before their dates both slapped hands over their mouths. “We are in a classy restaurant, you pottymouthes! So unless you want to get kicked out, zip it.” Lexa growled.

Clarke glared and then licked Lexa’s hand until she let go. “You can’t say anything, because now you have a lady boner in public. Who’s being inappropriate now?”

Lexa blushed and glared, but before she could give a retort, Murphy interrupted.

“Ladies, as much as I enjoy watching this, and I really do, I’m starving so let’s go eat.”

So into the restaurant they went.

-

Lexa was pretty sure she had never seen so much food consumed in her life. The waiters had brought out plates stacked at least two feet tall with fried clams. Clarke and Bell’s eyes lit up like anime characters and they began eating like ravenous beasts. However, after about ten minutes of nonstop eating, both Lexa and Murphy began to notice that their dates were looking a bit odd.

Clarke and Bellamy’s heads were about twice as large as normal and their eyes were getting lost in their swollen faces. A red rash was breaking out all over their faces and down their arms.

When Lexa realized what was happening, she stood and yelled, “Does anyone here have an epipen!?” Murphy had also realized that was happening and had begun slapping food out of their hands. “Stop eating, you fools! You’re having an allergic reaction!”

Luckily a nearby waiter happened to have a few epipen with him. He calmly stabbed Clarke and Bellamy while explaining that he carried them because his boyfriend Jasper was always eating things he shouldn’t.

Within minutes, Clarke and Bellamy were packed in ice and had been stabbed with life saving epipens.

With they swelling had finally gone down enough that they could talk, Clarke glanced at Bellamy and croaked, “I don’t know about you man, but something around here seems fishy.”

Bellamy coughed out a laugh and weakly lifted his hand to fistbump Clarke. “Yeah. You could say that now I feel a little _clammy_.”

Lexa and Murphy stared down at their dates with confusion and disappointment. Murphy’s eye twitched and Lexa facepalmed.

“Why the hell are we dating these people again?”

“Because we’re broke, and they have money.” Murphy paused for a second. “And I guess that ‘feelings’ are a factor too.”

-

From behind a potted plant, Raven and Octavia twirled their respective mustaches. "This was definitely a good decision."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey loves, hope u liked it. If you have any questions or comments, leave them below. Or you u can come visit ImPanicingAtTheDisco on tumblr at theypanickedatthewrongdisco.
> 
> Remember to hydrate and stay weird :(:
> 
> Alright lovelies, we'll see you next time!!!


	3. Chapter 3

Clarke tiptoed through the hallway and into her room. And just as she thought, Lexa was fast asleep on her bed. Clarke couldn't help but smile at her little angel.  _ Now,  _ she thought to herself,  _ time to fart on her head _ . God, she loved being in a relationship. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a half empty can of beans and took a big bite.  _ She's never gonna see this coming _ , Clarke cackled to herself.

Perching like a majestic eagle, Clarke positioned herself in order to get the right fart to face ratio. Barely able to contain her laughter, she concentrated on the world ending fart that was about to exit her ass. As an afterthought, she picked up an old bra to use as a gas mask from the deadly odor. She was famous for having the most foul vapour known to man. And though no one knew why, they smelled like rotting eggs from Denny's.  

And then, just as the revolting stench was about to commence, Lexa opened her eyes.

"Clarke. Are you, by any chance, trying to fart your Denny's farts on my face in order to make my lungs collapse?"

"....No?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like, ive decided 2 turn this into a series with the help of my hobgoblin, ImPanicingAtTheDisco ! Im really excited even though this means all my other stories will be going on hiatus 4 a bit. Also im really sry that this isnt a whole chapter! U can yell at me in the comments tho lol see u next time, loves <3  
>  Remember 2 hydrate and stay weird :(:


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